Diary of a Metal Mommy

Well, it’s official! I’m so happy to hear that Tom and Katie are truly engaged. Now we can all call them “TomKat”, as my friend Lisa generously informed me that they are now effectionately being nicknamed. Wow, as Katie says, dreams really do come true, don’t they? You just have to be rich and famous and a size zero to begin with, and then some guy 20 years older than you from Tiger Beat Magazine that you had a crush on in your youth can call your talent agent up and set it up for you to meet. Oh, and don’t forget you need to be willing to be brainwashed, too. Hmmmm…I think the rest of us had better stick to kissing our posters in private.

My friend Gabi and I used to practice on my Shaun Cassidy poster, myself. (sorry, Gabi, I hope I didn’t just make public an age-old secret there!) But you know, I think it’s better to leave that whole Shaun Cassidy thing a fantasy. Oh my gosh! I just realized there is a ShaunCassidy.net!!! As I said, I think some things are better left a fantasy….!!!

Just when is an amusement park ride NOT amusing? When people have been hospitalized after riding it, and the ride itself requires air sickness bags. Why would anyone pay like $60 or something to barf?! Now a 4 year old has died after riding this ride. There are reasons why astronauts go through years of training before they are launched into zero gravity. But forget that, let’s put a 4 year old on it, and people over 55! Why can’t people just be satisfied with Pirates of the Carribean? I guess someone died on that one, too…

Why does this bother me so much?? I mean, it’s not like Tom and Katie are personal friends of mine or anything. It’s not like I even care one bit about either of them, either. She’s cute, but so what? And Tom’s always kind of bugged me. I’ve never understood why women think he’s so hot. I mean, he’s not unattractive, but certainly not in the ‘hot’ category to me. The only movie I thought he was remotely hot in was “Legend“. (yes, I notice that there is a sort of Lord of the Rings-men in armor sort of thing going on here….at least I’m consistent) That was actually a cool movie from the 80’s, complete with Tim Curry…but I digress. I actually hope this is a publicity stunt, because if being in love makes Tom Cruise this goofy (I’ve seen seen footage of him jumping around and pumping his fist in the air in the giddiness of love and it’s not pretty) and Katie Holmes this spiritually spineless, than I’ve really lost all hope for fairytale celebrity couples. Well, truth be told, I guess ‘Bangelina’ already did that for me. Which reminds me, what ever will the tabloids do? There is no catchy phrase for TOM and KATIE. Tomie? Kam? Maybe they’ll use the last names. Crolmes. Or Huise. Still doesn’t work. Let’s just face it–nothing about this works for me. It’s a good thing I really don’t care.

As I walk down Memory Lane, I am reminded of the time I hopped on a bus with Weird Al Yankovic. This was way back in the early 80’s. My friends and I listened to the radio religiously, and as probably many of you ‘old fogies’ like me remember, Weird Al was pretty big back then. He seemed to have one hit after another, making fun of Michael Jackson with “Eat It” and “Fat”, or Madonna with “Like a Surgeon”. He was hilarious! I’m sure he’s probably still around, but since I never listen to the radio anymore I am unaware. At one point he had a song called “Another One Rides the Bus”, a spin-off of “Another One Bites the Dust”, by Queen. This may have been one of his first big hits.

My friend Gabi and I heard of this radio-advertised publicity stunt in which Weird Al was going to ride a double decker bus around the grand downtown area of Iowa City, whilst playing his accordion and singing the song. We jumped on the boring old city bus and got down to the Old Capitol Mall as soon as we could, hoping to be one of the first lucky few to nab a seat. Somehow we made it on, and we actually got to sit up on the top, which was quite a thrill. Probably more of a thrill than hearing Weird Al play that accordion and stomp his foot down below. I have to laugh when I think of how silly that was–driving around a few blocks and then coming back to the mall just to get back out again. That’s all there was to it! But hey. When Sullivan mentioned how he would love to ride in a double decker bus one day, I got to pull out this story about how on one glorious day of my youth, I rode the bus with Weird Al Yankovic. Not that he, or Vivian, would know who the heck he is. But I think it makes me sound kind of important.

Ain’t life grand? Just when you’re feeling like you’re in a big, wide world, you meet up with an old friend and realize just how small it really is. Between my 20 (gulp!) year high school reunion and various other circumstances, I have been reconnected with many people over the past few years. I have always been a sentimental fool, but I guess recently I have gotten more proactive about it.

My latest re-discovery has been an old beau of mine, Zachary Vex. (that’s actually not the name I knew him as, but to protect the lives of the innocent, I guess I’d better not divulge that old information…it would be just like mysterious Zach to really be a spy, or something…) Since he changed his name quite a few years ago, asking around about him hadn’t proved to be very successful. But I finally found a connection and guess what? He lives in Saint Louis Park, too! Crazy. He came over last night and I had to kick him out at midnight. Being single and sans children, he doesn’t turn into a pumpkin (or, more like a squash) at midnight like us old married folks do. Turns out he is very successful, the designer and manufacturer of some kick-ass effects pedals. Check out his site,Z.Vex Effects. I guess he has his pedals all over the country, with customers including some pretty big name bands like Aerosmith and the like. It was great fun seeing him again, bringing back lots of memories.