Diary of a Metal Mommy

There was an old fellow named Art
Who awoke with a terrible start,
For down by his rump was a terrible lump
Of what should have just been a fart.
———————————-

I realize that this is ridiculous and off color and very juvenile. And I love it!
(Although I wish I was the original author, I must credit Dr. Benjamin Bart for this lovely limerick!)

…or my month, or my year, or my entire mid-life crisis which I don’t necessarily feel like I’m having, but I must be to be singing metal and wearing a Legolas t-shirt. A few days ago, I had the most amazing compliment bestowed upon me. I was picking Vivian up from a friend’s house. I knocked, waited a few moments, and then was told to come in. The mother then informed me that as I waited outside the door, her 12 year old boy went to see who was there and reported, “Oh, it’s not Vivian’s mom…it’s some teenage girl.” !! I had to totally contain myself from running over and inappropriately giving that boy a big ‘ol kiss of thanks! Instead, keeping true to teenage form, I just told him that he rocked. I was so high that I ran out and bought a bikini. Maybe I really shouldn’t be wearing one, but hey. Teenage girls do! I’m going to get a lot of mileage out of this one. (the compliment, that is…the bikini will probably last one summer before I snap out of it and realize that I’m a one-piece kind of gal) I’m just going to keep telling myself that it really was ME he made the comment about, and not just the Legolas tshirt.

WARNING: those of you who are totally domestically disabled and would sooner read a car manual than any sort of blog entry about laundry, than this is not for you. But I have discovered a stain-removal secret that I just have to share. You know those annoying grease stains that sneak up on you, those little dots that magically appear all over your favorite t-shirt after you have just stir-fried some vegetables in oil or sauteed shrimp in butter? I was recently plagued by this very thing and I ran to the ever-luvin’ internet to help me out. Lo and behold, I found a tip about 409. I guess that makes sense–409 is a toxic grease cutter, so it should cut through that stuff. I tried it reluctantly, hoping it wouldn’t eat holes through in the process. Wahoo, it worked! The tipper had said it works best if you spray it on the stains before drying, but I also tried it on a shirt I thought was lost but too sad to toss, and sure enough, those nasty stains came out! 409 is my new miracle product! Think if I spray it on Bush, he might go away?