Diary of a Metal Mommy

Remember the marvelous brunch I had at Stephanie’s last weekend? Well, all I can say is Stephanie’s friends are wonderful indeed. One of them paid me an incredible compliment, and one that I am especially coveting since it is quite a step up from Shirley Temple…she emailed Stephanie to thank her, and in doing so told her that I reminded her of Eva Langoria from Desperate Housewives! Woo, I can definiltey live with that one. I decided to have The Coreman put my face on Eva’s body in this lovely superhero photo of her. What do you think? Man, I could stare at that photo all day, imagining that my body looks like that. And, after all, I am a desperate housewife–so we really have so much in common!!!

So, has anyone seen that ridiculous Miller Lite commercial with Gene Simmons? He sticks out his famously long tongue and that’s supposed to convince us that the man knows how to taste beer. Well, considering it’s Miller Lite we’re talking about, I wouldn’t trust that tongue as long as I could…well…you know. But besides that fact, anyone who knows anything about Gene Simmons, or KISS for that matter, knows that Gene is totally selling out doing this spot because he has always claimed that he never drinks, smokes, or does any kind of drug. I mean, how stupid do the Miller Lite people think we are?!

And as long as I’m raving about ‘lite’ how about that Bon Joni song called, “Have a Nice Day”–what, are you kidding me?! How can anyone have a song called “Have a Nice Day” and consider it a rock song?! I have to say I would never give Bon Jovi the metal salute anyway, but still. Have a Nice Day?!

Ah, what would the holidays be without a little inappropriate potty humor? Today I was waiting in line at my favorite grocery store Byerlys, absent-mindedly looking at the computer screen that lists each item as it’s rung up. I then noticed that the bag of peeled carrots I was buying came up as “Baby Carrots Pee”–I’m sure the entire line wouldn’t fit on the screen. I couldn’t help but bring it up to the cashier. I asked her casually if she could also see the screen. She turned it toward her, looking concerned as if maybe it rung up something incorrectly. I told her it was the peeled carrots and she started to read aloud, “Baby Carrots…”, and then her hand slapped over her mouth and she started giggling. She was saying, “You’re so naughty!” We had a good laugh. I had to have another laugh to myself at the thought that ‘pee’ is naughty. Apparently this woman doesn’t know me that well if she thinks that ‘pee’ is as naughty as I get. Ho Ho Ho!

I have really had the most amazing weekend! The festivities all started on Friday night, with Vivian’s friend Emily’s birthday party at Tuttle’s, a local bowling alley. It was a small party with just Vivian and their other friend Nathan, and Emily’s mom Kim decided to make it even MORE of a party by inviting us moms along! I bowled as Mrs. Bloom, but don’t ask me about my score because we never even finished an entire game–the kids had bowled 2 already and then just finished ours. We were too busy laughing and chatting to bowl! Kim and Brian surprised the kids by giving them amazing ‘party favors’–totally authentic Harry Potter wands from The Noble Collection. You should have seen their faces!

Then Saturday I got to see my peeps again at Stephanie’s house for a brunch she had for some friends. I was truly honored to be one of the guests, I got completely pampered by amazing food, a beautiful table and great company! Four hours later I felt rushed to get out of there, to get home so Cory could go photograph a Wild game.

Sunday morning was the Christmas program at church. I had casually mentioned this to Stephanie and Kim while talking about my plans for the weekend, and they said they would bring the kids to see Vivian! Vivian had a big narrating-type part, and also a couple of solos. I didn’t tell her ahead of time, I wanted it to be a surprise. Was it ever! Her mouth hung down to the floor when she saw her friends there. You could barely see the show from the blinding light that was Vivian, beaming away up there–she was so happy! I personally could barely see the show through the tears–not only at seeing my babies up on stage doing that cute kid-thing they do, but at the love and support that was given to me and my children from my wonderful, amazing friends. I am truly blessed to have them in my life!!!! Jane Russell may have had 18 hour support from her bra, but that ain’t nothin’ compared to the support I’ve got from my peeps!

Well, after 4 1/2 years of his little life, Sullivan finally has a bed frame. Up until now he’s had his mattress on the floor. It was the best transition from the crib–we did it with Vivian, too–they don’t have far to fall when they inevitably roll out of bed! Vivian got a frame not long after she was floor-bound, but Sullivan…well, we got a bit lazy with him as far as that goes. Plus he was having so much fun jumping on his mattress. Now there will definitely be no jumping–the boy has a bunk bed! I know, there is absolutely no reason for Sullivan to have a bunk bed. Vivian has her own room and bed upstairs, and we are NOT planning on having another child! But, uncharacteristically, Cory was actually the softie this time–any time we’d go look at frames Sullivan would say, “I REALLY want a bunk bed!” and the Coreman caved. As the neurotic mother I was totally against it, of course. Not only do I have to worry about my own child breaking his neck, but what about all of his little playmates that come over? The only thing that made me agree was from the get-go, Sullivan always announced that he would sleep on the bottom, and Vivian would sleep on the top. (cute!) At this point we don’t even have a mattress for the top–but that will be fixed soon. In fact, knowing me, I will have the whole thing outfitted faster than you can say, “IKEA”. I mean, heck, the bottom and top beds have to MATCH! Oh man, though, that means I have to have the Ikea Experience. I do not enjoy the Ikea Experience, as much as they like to tout it. But that’s for another post.

One annoying thing about this bunk is that they decided it was a good idea to type all of these safety rules in black print on one of the headboards. Being a nice light pine, it’s totally visable from wherever you look at the thing. I suppose that’s the whole idea of safety, but please. Cory and I did get a good laugh, though, from this point in the list: “Prohibit horseplay on or under the bed”. Yes, it really says ‘horseplay’. We made sure to make a point of telling this to Sullivan. It must have made an impression. When we got to preschool, the first thing he said to the teachers after inviting them over to spend the night was that there couldn’t be any horseplay. That will be a good one to remind him of when he’s about 16–I can really gross him out!