Diary of a Metal Mommy

Having a digital camera is a wonderful thing, but there is a downside…at least in my case. It takes me FOREVER to print up any photos. Not having a roll that finishes and then sits around taking up space is just a little TOO convenient. So we finally uploaded something like 500 (not kidding!) photos to the Costco website and started the process. Then comes the fun of labeling all of them. In going through all of them, I came across this one of Sullivan amongst the mushrooms. I just love it! (Maybe it’s a Lord of the Rings thing that makes it so endearing to me…Hobbits love mushrooms ) Ahhh, spring. I definitely have the fever already, and alas, it’s only January!

Another Sunday, another puppet show. It went well again, despite the rowdy bunch of 1st graders that we had. Whew! Other than that, a pretty laid-back day. Vivian, on the other hand, was out of control. Yesterday she spent the night at a friend’s house and when Cory went to pick her up, the mother informed him that the girls went to sleep around 5:30 AM. !! Then today she had a birthday party at the bead store, which ended with lunch at the Dairy Queen next door. That girl has more of a social life than I do! Amazingly enough, she is not a zombie today. She’s going to bed early, though, because this sort of thing catches up to her.

I spent some of the day working on the theme song to my upcoming Podcast. Or, I should say, OUR upcoming Podcast–meaning me and a couple of my fine peeps, Stephanie and Kim. Coreman came up with the idea of us doing one, and I ran with it. The premise will be 3 women that get together and gab for hours (of course, each individual Podcast won’t be THAT long!)…what ever could we be talking about all of that time?! Sort of a sneak-peek into our world. (be afraid…be very afraid!) I thought we could just have topics to discuss, maybe sometimes bring in guests. Maybe make them talk about a random topic we pick, or something. Could be quite a hoot. I came up with a few names, but nothing really stuck until I came up with Feminine Hijinx. I’m out of control with the theme song (out of control, I’m noticing, being the phrase of the day!) …writing double-entendre lyrics that have something to do with feminine products. Here they are, just in case you are interested…!

Feminine Hijinx
Come hang out at their pad!
Feminine Hijinx
They’re spot on!
Just go with the flow, you can’t say no to

Feminine Hijinx
Feminine Hijinx

If you’re in luck
They might run amok
(or they might just say f—no!)
Feminine Hijinx!

That last line is sort of a tribute to Stephanie and the grief she has gotten from a couple of people about using swear-words on her blog. (Get over it, people! It’s a dangerous world we live in!) So these lyrics are set to a sort of 50’s-60’s lounge swing sort of ditty, I must say, I am quite proud of it. I just got out the old midi keyboard and between that and the loops that are in Garage Band (the program used to record), I went to town. Fun! We are going to have way too much fun with this. I suppose we’ll get started with it in a few weeks. Just another thing I can add to my schizophrenic life!!

Did you hear the news story about William Shatner’s kidney stone being sold for 25K? I guess the proceeds went to Habitat for Humanity, a very worthy cause. But the whole idea of that is hilarious to me. I mean, besides the obvious ridiculousness of it all, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of passing a kidney stone or two in my day, and the process of retrieving one is usually not so easy. To put it plainly, you’ve gotta pee through a strainer. I remember the first time I dealt with this immensely uncomfortable situation, afterwards I had to carry around this mini-colander of a thing with me and pee through it every time. At the time Cory and I had the coffee shop, the Atomic Grind in Missoula, Montana, and so I was there all day behind the counter. It was pretty embarrassing to have to try to smuggle that strainer out with me into the bathroom every time I had to go! How appetizing! “Yeah, I’ll get your coffee for you in a minute, I’ve gotta go strain my PEE…” ! And if you are lucky enough to ‘catch the stone’, it’s unbelievable how miniscule they are. I’m not even sure to this day if I really got one or not. We’re talking, like a grain of sand. How in the world can a grain of sand cause so much trouble?! Amazing. But the thought of William Shatner sifting through his little colander to find a tiny grain of sand, and then, what? Putting it in a little vial or something? Totally gross!

It reminds me of this documentary I watched, years ago, about people obsessed with Elvis. (who, me?! I’ve actually never been obsessed with Elvis the Man, only Elvis the Parody) I would never see Elvis’ face in a potato, and if I did I certainly wouldn’t make a velvet pillow to place it on and put it on display. (I’d just try to sell it on ebay!) There was a woman who claimed to have Elvis’ toenail–she said she had been to Graceland and had found a toenail embedded in the shag carpeting of the Jungle Room. I wonder how in the world she knew it was Elvis’?? I mean, did it ever occur to her that it’s probably been vacuumed since the 1970’s, and could very well be that some body guard got bored and decided to do some personal hygiene?? Then there was another woman who supposedly had Elvis’ wart that taken off of his hand when he entered the army. People are so weird. I mean, I can honestly say I would not want Orlando Bloom’s toenail or wart. Or his kidney stone, for that matter.

The second round of kidney stone torture I went through, I decided that I had to try to have some sort of fun with it or I would lose my mind. I actually prayed to catch the thing in my colander, so I could bottle it up and name it The Arkenstone, a one-of-a-kind rare and beautiful gem stone written about in The Hobbit. Alas, though, it ws not to be. Now, my OWN kidney stone I would wear around my neck and proudly display. William Shatner’s? Nah. Let’s hope he doesn’t try to auction off a Klingon next….!

I had my doubts at first, but Tuesday ended up being a very nice day. Any day you aren’t dealing with barf is a good day, in my book. The night before Vivian was saying she wasn’t feeling well…to the point where she was in her usual sick bay (on the couch, in front of that ever-distracting brain-drainer, the TV) crying and moaning with a wastebasket nearby. If anyone knows me, they know I don’t do well with vomit. I mean, most people (I would assume!) think puking is pretty gross, that’s no surprise. But the sight and/or sound and/or smell will literally send me running in the other direction–even if it’s my very own beloved child doing it. I’d say it’s a bonafide phobia. I hate having that phobia. I mean, let’s face it–we all have to deal with it now and then, there’s no getting away from it. Maybe that’s why it bugs me so much. (well, besides the fact that everything about it is, like, totally gross!) It’s very much an out-of-control sort of thing. I’m the first to admit I like to be IN CONTROL. I don’t exactly do well with that ‘Let Go, Let God’ thing. Heck, I’m still trying to figure the latter part of THAT out. But anyway, for whatever reason, it was all a false alarm. I let Vivian stay home from school yesterday, (I know, I’m such a sucker…but I still have bitter feelings about the time I was forced to go to school feeling icky and ended up barfing all over the teachers shoes!) and this morning she’s bouncing off the walls. Wonder what that was all about?!

But enough on that subject! (hope you weren’t eating!) To cap off a wonderfully normal day, that evening I got to go out for coffee with my friend Lisa. Like Darcie, who I accosted on the sidewalk in front of her house whilst on a walk with Sullivan some 4 years ago and then stalked until she agreed to play with us, Lisa I coerced into conversation at the park, where we were both at with our little guys. You know how some people are just approachable, and you know you are going to like them right away? Lisa’s one of those. So a conversation turned into an email, and the email turned into a play date for the boys, and then Lisa was stuck with me. Last night was the first time we actually managed to get together without the kids–woo hoo! A span of uninterrupted chat-time! Once again I am reminded of just how lucky I am to have great friends in my life. I learned the hard way that friendships are NOT something you can control–it’s pretty surprising when a friend you’ve had for 7 years suddenly announces out of the clear blue sky that her spirit guides have told her that you need to take time apart from each other because you are ‘keeping yourselves from your true potentials’. huh?! You think someone is going to be there as you grow old to share your complaints about hemorroids and gassy husbands over coffee, but, not necessarily. They could be taken over by aliens. Or spirit guides. So I am truly grateful for the friends that I have and I hope never to take advantage of the advantage I have of having dear friends. (and if you follwed me on that one, you are a dear friend indeed!)

So, onward to Wednesday–being thankful for friends who keep it real, and no barf!

Martin Luther King’s birthday always makes me a bit depressed. What an amazing man he was, and what an amazing dream he had…if only we were closer to that dream. I feel like we, as a society, like to think we are close, but I for one think we have a LONG way to go. What will it take to make it a reality?? I have no clue. How do you stop generations of ignorance from breeding ignorance yet again? I know I can try to do my part by raising my kids in the most color-blind way as possible, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Besides health and general happiness, of course, more than anything I want my kids to have a tolerance for all kinds of people from all walks of life. No, not just to tolerate, but to embrace. Happy Birthday, Martin Luther King Jr. I hope to God someday your dream will come true.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today!….”

“And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual,

“Free at last, free at last.

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.” “